When you get those feelings of
there is no reason to…
I am too tired to…
How many times am I going to sell myself out and do…
Try to remember that the process of re-visioning after loss or trauma is not walking around the mountain once and then feeling better. People who have loved deeply walk around the mountain sometimes a few hundred times. You are lost, for God’s sake. So when you are lost, darkness is very disorienting. However, walking around the same mountain is also disorienting.
Here is a trick: Count the times you reach the same place.
Emotionally mark it. ‘Felt this yesterday or last week.’
Be kind to yourself, treat yourself like you would treat the person you lost, with UNWAVERING LOVE.
I think this is a large part of our soul’s journey. Simply asking what is next and doing it. So, small things: Wash your face, go to the store and buy food, write your feelings in a journal, take a walk. What can I do know while I am suffering to relieve some pain. Only you will know the correct answer, for only you are in that exact painful spot.
No advice can get you through this. Being loved always helps, but this process is an intensely private process. I consider it a spiritual process, because it is between you and you. You know you best — prayer, meditation, being in nature, music, listening to yourself.
People can walk with you, only you can reach the depth of your being that is crying out. Only you can hear it. The scream is so primal and pulsating that only you can hear and feel it.
You know you can do this, because you wouldn’t use coping skills that harm you or take you out of pain. Take the time, slow down, and honor your soul by kindness, or at least not raging at the situation or life stance you find yourself in.
The most difficult realization is that perception is reality. Your reality is not fact, it is your fact.
So the only way to move, or play around with your current life experience or movement, is to change your opinion of your reality, which will change the facts of your life and eventually how many times you circle the mountain.
This is truth. Try it!